Bundle of Blunders

On the chariot of time, I stand
watching my own mistakes
as they ripple one over the other
softly scratching the surface
of my inflated ego, and
slowly by slowly, seeping
deeper through the barely visible
open wounds of my realisation!

Yes, there has been a change...
From being a seeming painter
over a messy canvas,
to becoming the paint itself
in the beautifully crafted marvel
in the hands of the real painter, my master!

I ever feel the constant treble of his words -
Of being pure of hands and hearts,
to touch people's lives,
but before that, get self-touched,
to bring a taste of the highest possibility -
at least, a drop to one and all!

Yet, I've been terribly unsure, within,
and charged to be impractical, outside!
Painfully, trying to reason out a meaning
of my being, my life, my existence -
till he nudged me again and again,
with his endless compassion and patience!

This opportunity, a privilege immense,
bestowed upon this one,
is not an ornament to swell high,
but to bow down,
and be a reflection!
And yet, this unaware forgetfulness of mine,
makes me aware of my unworthiness,
and the path I need to walk
and be on, to bridge the gap!

That the misses of my memory
on the canvas of my consciousness
seem too big to swallow!
A constant reminder has gripped me -
that I'm too small to know anything,
in this world, unparalleled, unbound!
I gasp in awe at my own misses,
and gaze in wonder when
someone silently does the needful!

May be I don't feel the weight right now,
but I know it's growing bigger
with each lapse in my awareness,
though encouraged by assurances,
by those who hit more, and miss less,
I work towards dropping this
unconscious burden,
my bundle of blunders!

- Nayan
24th April 2018, 3.44 pm
On train, Trivandrum to Thrissur